A day at the zoo

elephants resized

We took our grandson to the zoo at half term and I started writing an account of the day for my personal blog. Then I realised it had rhythms and hidden rhymes so I worked on it till I had a free-form poem.

It was a grey day

in February

and we paid a lot to get in.

They seemed to think it their due.

They were not there for our entertainment

but rather we

were there to contribute to postponing

their extinction

and after all

that’s the stated purpose of the zoo.

 

The elephants

were first. They stood stone still,

a faint greenness on their hides suggesting

moss had gathered

while they watched their waterfall.

 

The rhinos

regarded an English February

as beyond the pale.

They dozed in their dim house,

the baby disguised as what we thought at first

was his mother’s swollen knee

but his ear flickered slightly

giving the deception away.

 

The meerkats

had disappeared

(maybe underground?)

and we couldn’t find

the giraffe.

 

The monkeys

were truly glad to see us.

I think we

alleviated their boredom.

They scampered out to their

moated peninsula with glee.

Each time we left their house to see

they climbed back in

and when we returned

to the leaf shaded glass hall

out they went again.

A fine game

was had by all.

 

The zebra lay sleeping side by side

in a stripe of sunlight they had found

while next door to their compound

the bongo

gracefully camouflaged himself

in the shadow of his wooden hall

and pretended he wasn’t really there at all.

 

There were deer

(of various kinds)

too shy to give us more

than a fleeting glimpse,

A warty pig

(not to be confused with a warthog)

and a capybara

that seemed to be where

the map thought the meerkats might have been.

 

And still we couldn’t find the giraffe.

You’d think a long neck would help but no,

although

we saw some camels huddled

in a knobbly ring.

They circled,

doing (perhaps) an esoteric

camel dance.

The reason was something

not for us to know.

 

Only one tiger

was visible, pacing

with a look of impatience

while his mate and child

hid

somewhere safe and secret

until the keepers were due

to bring their meal.

The male, I’m quite sure, saw us as an alternative

if the keeper should chance

to be late that day at the zoo.

 

The cheetahs tried

to hide

(to cheat?)

on a roof in their enclosure

but

it was still winter so we

could see them through the bare trees

and they looked less than pleased.

 

The Asiatic lions,

however, were proudly on display,

the male roaring a huge sound

– far too big for his size –

to let us know we should stay away.

 

There were birds ignoring us:

storks, cranes, and I think

a flamingo

though

as I missed it I have no

idea whether it was pink.

There were also ducks,

some of which were strolling on the paths like us,

like the blackbirds and starlings joining in

a general search, human and avian,

for snacks (or crumbs).

 

Squirrels,

too,

had decided there might be rich pickings at the zoo.

They must have had the sense

to avoid the big cats.

Either that

or they were extremely fast.

 

The fruit bats

simply dreamed on their branches all day

though a few

swooped

and fought and slept again

pretending to be strange fruit

and by this ruse fool

their natural prey.

 

The chimpanzee

house was closed for maintenance,

whether of the house, inmates or both

the sign failed to say.

 

By the time we reached the butterfly house

that was closed too

because it was almost the end of our day

at the zoo.

There were signs

saying ‘aviary’ and ‘aquarium’

but by then

we were on the way

out.

They would have to wait

for another day.

 

We joined merging streams

flowing towards the gate.

There was tension in the air,

an anxiety not to be late,

locked on the wrong side

at some keeper’s whim.

What did the inmates make

of all these others in their bright coats

who came every day and invariably left

at teatime?

 

Then we were all spilling, tumbling into car parks,

chattering about what we hadn’t seen

and what we’d wanted to see.

(We still hadn’t found the giraffe.)

But whatever we had observed

it was time we dispersed

to our own family paddocks,

our own keepers

and our own tea.

Formatting: alternating boredom and terror.

80. formatting

So I’m on some kind of home straight with at least two novels. Beta work has been done, text amended to meet various concerns, proof reading done, by me and one of my ‘editors’, and now I have to format for self publishing. It’s one of my New Year’s Resolutions and we’re already in March.

The tedious bit is altering everything so that it has indented paragraphs (preferred for fiction) with no line spacing. Word happily indents previously unindented stuff but I can’t get it to remove all line spaces. Modern versions of Word won’t move between styles easily. The trouble is that for fanfic, especially for AO3, and for travel writing (currently for blogs but possibly for publication) I’m used to writing in block paragraphs. Same with any non-fictional writing I’ve ever done and that’s quite a lot. I tried training myself to use the other method and then had the reverse problem (fortunately on a short fanfic). From now on, I’ll remember to start off in the correct format but for stuff I’ve already written it’s a question of going through and manually altering it where necessary – which gives me yet another chance to spot typos but is boring in the extreme. And until I truly accepted the fact that I would need to do manual edits I was on the way to anger-management classes. Yes, I know there are ways of correcting the text in Word but they take as long as manual editing.

The frightening bit is the formatting for chapter headings and an index that will work for Smashwords and Amazon. Very technical and even one incorrect keystroke can throw the whole thing into disarray (at which point Smashwords/Amazon reject the book and you have to start again). Also, I was using an e-pub program to check, and a much published friend tells me that particular program has been ‘stealing’ work and breaching privacy so I’m going to have to think again. It was bad enough for my novellas; now I’m dealing with novels. Plus, the rules for Smashwords and Amazon aren’t quite the same so you have to do everything and check everything twice.

The other frightening bit is the covers (I design my own), the first ‘front’ pages with all the stuff like copyright info, dedications, etc. and the end pages with links to other works. Plus the afore mentioned index. Smashwords and Amazon keep changing the ‘rules’ so you can never relax. Covers have to work for e-books and also for advertising thumbnails so the sizing is crucial. It also annoys me that after all that hard work Amazon still makes the default first page on Kindle the first page of the story and you have to scroll back to see all the other stuff!!

I keep thinking of all I have to do and then going away and writing something else to cheer myself up. But I’ve chosen self publishing deliberately and must get my act together!! *g* I also need to re-read my own post of November 2012 – and I notice nobody leapt in to guide me through it all!

Grey

79. Grey

I’ve been away – physically away (and parted from the internet for a while) and mentally away since my return. The poem below probably sums it up. The picture is, of course, the Guggenheim in Bilbao, which we visited on a cold grey January day.

Grey

Cold grey

Not the crisp off-white chill of ice or snow

Not the warm grey of clouds of summer rain

A dull day

 

Grey

Grey thoughts

Not the frisson of grey approaching dusk

Not the warm grey sea of semi-dreaming

Dull thoughts

 

Grey

Grey life

No tinge of green, blue, gold, emergent spring

No warmth of summer or of autumn colours gleaming

Just grey

 

Grey

Grey skies

No other colour except beige dry grass

Nothing quickening the winter mind

A grey day

Two prompts recently filled

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At a recent writers’ group meeting (most of us were fanfic writers) we were given prompts to pick from a hat and a time limit for writing.

My first linked prompts were: ‘a historical personage’ and ‘coming out’. That, in fifteen minutes, produced the following:
Out

A ghost talking? I can see your disbelief. But we’re all ghosts now, those of us who were here two millennia before you. Yet to me it is yesterday and I need to tell someone about it. You’ll do.

The word in the forum was rumour built upon rumour until even the youngsters were scrawling their ideas on the walls; black, white and ochre graffiti. ‘Who the woman in the relationship?’ they scribbled. ‘Who the one shamed?’ Drawings asked questions as rudely as words; laughter came alike from merchant, soldier and slave. But no-one really knew the truth of it; it was all suspicion and turmoil, envy of those in high position, belief that leaders might or even should have feet of clay.

I could have told them. Throughout the campaigns, military and political, I remained silent and so did he. We never spoke of what we shared, even to each other, of the hot sweaty grappling that ended in heaven-sent release. The army was, in any case, a forgiving environment where what men did in tent or camp stayed there and did not follow them back to Rome. And yet it hurt, somehow, to pretend we were no more than friends or colleagues, hurt not to acknowledge the real, closer relationship.

We all knew events were spiralling out of control. We all knew secrecy could breed sourness on every side and that every public mask could hide a growing private bitterness. I knew in my heart that jealousy and a fear of power would eventually rot and spoil what we had together. But I had never thought that love could turn around as if from north to south, into hate.

I never intended to out myself or my lover. Then as I felt my life seeping away, the dagger thrusts hurting my heart more than my body, I could not help but say, with what I knew was a tone of injury beyond mere death, “Et tu, Brute?”

 

My second pair of prompts were: ‘Merlin (the show) or Arthurian legend’ and ‘threesome’. Another fifteen minutes gave me this.

Before

Before the fighting began, before their armies were drawn up behind steel lines, before it was too late… and yet perhaps it was always too late? Anyway, they drank together, trying to find some way back. Drink loosened their tongues and their moods. Drink fuelled a pissing contest, real and metaphorical. Whose piss arced furthest? They were too drunk to measure with any accuracy. Who was the bravest? Gawain might know but he wasn’t there. Who was the most daring? They took time in a confused fashion to tease apart the ideas of bravery in the face of immediate danger and daring in rushing to face danger that had not yet appeared. Who was the best lover? They could hardly ask Guinevere.

The last two questions merged. It seemed the answer could be had from anyone, male or female. They did not so much invite Mordred as hijack him and take him to one of their beds. It wasn’t clear whose bed it was but Guinevere, at any rate, was not in it.

Consensual but very drunken sex followed. If they fumbled and were less than brilliant in their loving, well, all were drunk and unobservant. They all swore a solemn oath on the grail they could not see never to tell Guinevere, or anyone else. Mordred pronounced, his judgement as weighty as that of Paris but less intelligently reached.

Next day they awoke together but fled apart, each thinking someone had played a cruel hoax when they had been in their cups. None of the three could ever recall anything of the night other than a faint feeling that their relationships were not quite as they used to be. Not that, in the end, it mattered.

“Exit, pursued by a bear.”

250px-Monkey-typing                                                                                                                                   (picture in public domain)

 

SHAKESPEARE AT THE ZOO

“We’re supposed to be rewriting Shakespeare, not messing about researching Polar Bears.” Amy was always grumpy before the keepers brought their morning fruit.

“Not rewriting, writing all over again. But Polar Bears are more interesting. I saw some in the zoo once.” Adam always had a reply for Amy. Of course, he was the leader and was expected to keep everyone in order.

“When?” Amy was brave, questioning him, but then she was always brave. “When you went to the hospital?” Adam just sniffed but Antony looked admiringly at him. A trip to the hospital was an adventurous thing to have undertaken, even if occasioned by a septic toe. The grand outing had spawned enough tales to keep Adam’s image glowing with glory.

“They eat sheep.” Alan looked up from his research and announced this fact to the assembled group. “Well, they eat meat of any kind really, but at the zoo they eat sheep meat. It says here.” He gestured towards the screen. There was a silence, broken by Adam scratching his head.

“Any meat? You mean…” Perhaps a Polar Bear wouldn’t make such a good hero for their story after all. He shuddered and remembered the delicate look of the railings around the enclosure.

“But you’d keep us safe, wouldn’t you?” He knew without looking that that was Antony, so certain and trusting.

“It’s only a story, Antony,” he said, and Amy laughed, pointing at Antony and chuckling, her sides heaving with mirth.

“But you really would?” Antony was insistent and Adam reached out to fondle his head.

“I’m not God, Antony, even in the story,” he reminded him. “But I’d do my best. You know I would.” They all nodded, even Amanda, who was, as usual, distracted by the antics of baby Bill.

“None of us believe in God,” said Charles, leader of one of the other groups. There were about a hundred of them in the huge room and sometimes rivalries and tempers threatened to wreck the supposedly literary atmosphere. “I’m not sure,” he went on, “that we believe in you, Adam, or even in your hospital trip.”

There was a brief but extremely loud scuffle. When order had been restored Adam watched Charles walk away, cowed for the moment but hardly defeated. Charles looked, he thought, a little like a goat, with his wispy beard and the way his ears stuck up like horns. And those slitty eyes… He looked out of the window towards the enclosure where the petting animals grazed and browsed contentedly in the children’s corner. Yes, a goat. Perhaps the next stage in the plotting of the story would involve tethering Charles as bait for the bear. It was turning into quite an epic, with villains and heroes and suspense.

Antony was tugging at his arm, chattering in excitement at seeing his own hero defeat a rival. Antony’s attentions were very satisfying, Adam decided. He fondled the youngster again in a proprietorial manner and they settled to grooming each other, only half aware of Alan and Amy, who were considering a sub-plot of romance.

“If we had Adam and Antony…” Amy began.

“But we thought in terms of a Romeo and Juliet theme,” said Alan.

“Romeo and Romeo would have been just as intriguing,” Amy told him. “And now that you’ve introduced bears I think we have a bestseller on our hands.” And so saying, she grinned before peeling and munching noisily on a banana. The fruit had arrived and all was well with her world.

 

Halloween Drabbles

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I have written, from time to time, drabbles in various ‘fandoms’. They are a form of fanfiction and I have adhered to the 100 word rule in these six examples although the titles are extra. They are all related to television programmes shown in the UK – some of them quite a while ago. They are also all based on the general theme of halloween.

I haven’t given the names of the series. Guess them all correctly (there should be enough clues) and I’ll write a couple of drabbles for you, provided I know the series you choose.

1. Callers.

Janet sighed and closed the door on yet another small skeleton. She had treated each caller with gentleness and courtesy, offering candy and remembering the real monsters out there; monsters they had met and fought. Monsters who would eat these little ones for breakfast. Surely the stream of costumed frights would stop soon and she could relax with a drink and her favourite TV series.

Another knock. But no shuffling or giggling on the step. She hesitated, wondering what waited. Then she heard a voice she knew calling, ‘Trick or treat?’ and opened the door gladly to a smiling Sam.

2. Clubland.

The canal water gleamed like mercury, poisonous and thick. For a moment Vince imagined creatures from some Cheshire lagoon or aliens from the Doctor’s adventures, boiling into the street. He shivered and drew back from the low wall. Halloween was depressing enough without nightmares like that. Then his friends spilled out of the club, backlit by the pulsing neon glow, and he was cajoled into his usual role of best mate, chauffeur and all time gooseberry. The monsters were all too real, green-eyed and menacing. A turnip lantern in a pub window grinned fitful mockery as he accepted the keys.

3. Foreshadowing.

Nick watched Wani sadly. The man had always been as sleek and as independent as a cat, dark and magical. On their first meeting Nick half expected him to leave by the window and prowl the rooftops. Now he had carelessly squandered his nine lives and was clinging to the earth by the tips of his claws. He would haunt their usual places, that was certain. Whether Nick would see him next Halloween would depend on how far he had cast his sickness along with his spell. Others would see a momentary beauty swirl through the dark streets and wonder.

4. Monsters large and small.

Trick or treat. He’d give them trick or treat. He’d treat them to a piece of his mind. Parents should have more sense. Didn’t they know how dangerous the streets were? Paedophiles and drug pushers didn’t go home and draw the curtains just because it was Halloween. Rosy-cheeked ladies offering apples might have hidden blades in the sweet flesh. Idiots, prey and predators alike.

Andy found himself hurrying, wishing he’d stayed at home. John might be trusting enough to open the door. And Theo…

He would have to trust John. Meanwhile, he growled at a small ghost who fled, terrified.

5. The Knock.

“Trick or treat, missus?”

Dipping her hand into the sweet jar, Ros threw a handful of toffees at the sheeted figure.

“Nah. Me mum says them things’ll rot me teef.” The ghost was still solid; Ros realised money, rather than sugar, was modern halloween currency.

“Shut the door and let them do their worst.” Adam’s voice galvanised her.

“Trick,” she snarled. The snick of the latch was satisfying, although she could expect jam or glue in the lock later. She went back to the bedroom.

“Thought we were the spooks,” she said wearily. “We’re no match for the real thing.”

6. Touchdown.

“The planet of Halloween!” His face broke into a creases of delight. “Imagine! Trick or treat every day and pumpkin pie after every meal!”

Donna was less than thrilled. There were shadows that loomed, stalked and flickered; flames where there should have been darkness and darkness where the sun should have shone.

“What do you want to see first?” he asked. “The Sea of Souls, the bat colony in Outer Ghoul, or the Witch King’s palace?”

She shook her head.

“Spoilsport!”

Donna shrugged. She had always hated things that went bump in the night. She wanted to go home. Now.

A spooky zine

glitterwolf ad

Once again I’m ‘advertising’ on behalf of a friend. I haven’t yet read any of the contents but I know her poetry and it’s good.

Glitterwolf is a UK-based literary and arts magazine celebrating the work of LGBT contributors from around the world. They publish fiction, poetry, art and photography.

This year they are also bringing out a special Halloween Issue with four variant covers to match the four main stories. The issue is full of seasonably themed fiction, art and poetry, including three poems from my friend Kat Soini, a Finnish poet.

FREE TASTER of Glitterwolf: Halloween

This year, in addition to our usual three issues, we’ve released a Halloween special full of queer, weird and dark fiction, poetry and art. We’ve released four variant covers featuring the stunning work of artist Jason Grim and featuring the work of writers and poets including Steve Berman, Tom Cardamone, Lou Dellaguzzo, Jeff Mann, James K. Moran, Evan J. Peterson, Amy Shepherd, and many more.

To download a taster of the issue, featuring roughly half of the full table of contents, you can

follow this link to download. Alternatively, just send us an email at freeglitterwolf@gmail.com with the subject ‘Halloween’.

If you enjoy the taster, then please consider buying the full issues, which are now available for purchase on Amazon.

If you feel like spreading the word about this in your own journal/elsewhere, that would of course be hugely appreciated.

Birthday ficlet

birthday card

My last post, promising or threatening to upload ficlets, was well received. As it’s my birthday next week I thought this very short flashfic (posted to a Yahoo writing group in 2009) might be a suitable first ficlet for this blog. I’ve altered it slightly and added the photo. I sometimes make online cards for my friends, using my own photos of flowers and natural scenes. Then I photoshop to get special effects and this is one of my efforts. So here’s the story, all 269words of it :

Writer’s Block

It was exquisite. The paper, thickly textured and probably hand-made, was deep cream, cut or perhaps torn in squares about the size of the palm of his hand. The sheets, piled into a rough cube, were fastened with a lavender ribbon that crossed and recrossed, finishing with a sophisticated knot and softly trailing ends. The gift came wrapped in gold tissue with a card that read: ‘from Hilary, with best wishes.’

Tom phoned his friend. “Thank you! It’s lovely! But what’s it for?”

“Your birthday, of course. Duh!”

“Well, yeah, I figured that out but what do I do with it? I mean, I never use snail-mail and my phone saves all my messages.”

“You know what you were saying last week? About having ideas when you were cooking or watching TV?”

“So?”

“So I thought of this. Dan Sweeney makes them and sells them in his gift shop.”

“And he deserves to do well but that still doesn’t tell me what it’s for. Is it supposed to give me ideas?”

“Stoopid!! You’re supposed to keep it in a convenient place. With a pen or pencil. It’s a writer’s block.”

Tom let his fingers caress the surface of his new aide-memoire and wished he could transfer the gesture through the phone to Hilary’s skin. “Thank you again,” he said. “You can be sure I’ll make good use of it.” He sighed happily and went in search of a suitable writing implement. It was a most satisfactory present. Somewhere to store his thoughts that would also remind him of the giver; riches indeed.

A question

74. question

This is my writing blog. I use it for all kinds of things connected with my own writing, other people’s writing, and writing in general. I have another blog for more personal stuff.

I intend to use this as a kind of website – I have a website (under another name) but it’s full of fanfiction and reviews. My fanfiction is now all hosted on Archive Of Our Own and most of my reviews are either here or on my personal blog so I’m intending to scrap the website when the payment comes due again, and use this as my main site.

I’ve noticed two things about this blog. The first is that most of the people who comment are people who also connect with me on other sites or in other ways. The second is that whenever I post poetry I gain more ‘likes’ and new ‘followers’ but virtually no comments. Interesting!

I want to ‘advertise’ my writing here, as well as discussing writing, so I’m considering posting short flashfics. Some time ago I belonged to a writing group where we used prompts and encouraged each other to write. I drifted away from the group, for all sorts of ‘real life’ reasons, but I still have copies of all my prompt responses. I’ve been looking through them and think some of them might appeal to readers so I will start occasionally posting. And with some pieces I might alter them either a little or a lot. They were all written quite quickly and it could be interesting to work on them. There probably won’t be many comments because my ‘usual’ commenters are drawn from people who have almost certainly seen the pieces before. But maybe I can entertain others?

What do you think? Might people read?

A Minor Inconvenience by Sarah Granger – a review

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I don’t often post anything other than the most cursory reviews, and when I do it’s because I think the book is really worthwhile.

First of all, I should say that the author is a friend – an online friend because I have never met her – but that this review is completely honest. If I hadn’t loved the book I simply wouldn’t have reviewed it at all.

Secondly, I have been meaning to post this for ages and it kept slipping to the bottom of my ‘to-do’ pile, for which I am truly sorry. However, I hope a review now, some time after initial publication, might send a few more readers to Sarah’s work.

This is an m/m historical romance in the style of Georgette Heyer. I imagine Heyer, whose own work contained minor characters who today might have been openly written as gay, would have enjoyed and approved of this story.

The historical research is immaculate but is presented with a light touch. The events take place during the Napoleonic wars, when Hugh has returned to London from the Peninsula with a severe leg wound that makes him unable to do very much other than squire his mother and sister to social gatherings. His brother dismisses the injury (which is permanent) as the minor inconvenience of the title, but for Hugh, it is earth shattering, both in the constant nagging pain and in the expectations of loneliness that arise from his disability.

He meets Theo, a serving officer, and together they fight spies in Westminster, Hugh’s problems, and the social mores that could keep them apart.

Like Heyer, Granger uses a superficially light story to give us plenty of glimpses of more important issues. The book is a romance, but it is also about attitudes to disability, especially disability resulting from service in the armed forces, attitudes to homosexuality and attitudes to social and family expectations which affect the young of both genders.

Again, like Heyer, the author creates memorable minor characters, especially Hugh’s friend Emily, and subsidiary plotlines such as the one concerning Hugh’s mother and sister. These additions to the main storyline give us a delightful and thought provoking look at the Regency period amongst the aristocracy.

Some reviewers have drawn comparisons with Austen’s work, but this book is in an altogether frothier and lighter vein, with a liberal helping of spying to hold the reader’s interest. It is not primarily social commentary although there is plenty of social commentary tucked into the corners of the romance and adventure.

I loved the heroes and was thoroughly immersed in their problems. I loved Hugh’s family life, and I loved the blossoming romance. By the time I had finished I felt that the characters were my friends and I wished them all well in their lives.

I don’t want to say any more about the plot. I get tired of reading reviews that are long and detailed and act as substitutes for the actual books. If you enjoy Regency romances you will enjoy this. Go and read it!

(I’ve used the Amazon photo of the cover for this post but I bought the book from Samhain Publishing.)